There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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