i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
