I love black thongs
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
