Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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