She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
