you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
