so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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