I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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