I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
