haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He better not be in your backpack
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
