i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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