he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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