OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
