At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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