I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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