My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
