Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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