i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots