he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.