I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
