Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my gift to your gina
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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