So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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