I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Randomize
