Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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