All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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