I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
