Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
