oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
