Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
