I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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