I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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