Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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