She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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