Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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