my being single is dangerous.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
