Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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