His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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