to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
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