at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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