Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
