The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize