I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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