He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
