remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Why can't burritos get me drunk
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
