Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
