Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
