S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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