apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
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The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
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This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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