It was confusing and full of hummus
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize