and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
