If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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