Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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