Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
