He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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