I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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