So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize