Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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