Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Randomize
