I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
