i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
