I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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