Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
