I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
